Ohio State Jokes

You know you’re from Columbus, Ohio when:

The fact that the German Village Oktoberfest is in September (and not in German Village…) seems perfectly normal.

You beam with pride knowing that we’re the hometown of Wendy’s, White Castle, Rax Roast Beef, Bob Evans and Donato’s. Wonder why we’re the 8th fattest city in America?

You remember City Center and Northland.

You know how to pronounce “Scioto” and “Olentangy.”

You go to the Memorial Tournament at Muirfield just to see and be seen, and you’ve been rained on there at least once.

You see nothing unusual about a street being called East North Broadway.

You live in the suburbs but your backyard was actually a cornfield last year.

That complex on the corner with the CVS, Blockbuster and Kroger? That was a cornfield last year, too! As you lament the loss of all those cornfields, you see the infinite wisdom of Dublin City Council, who spent over $60,000 on a field of 10-foot concrete corn ears.

You’re familiar with the four seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter and Construction.

You drive three hours to see Red, White & Boom for 15 minutes. Then you drive four hours back. But you live 12 minutes away.

You know what a real Buckeye is and have a recipe for the candy ones.

You take it for granted that screaming “O-H” any time, anywhere will get a reply from a stranger saying “I-O!”

You don’t consider it terribly strange that The Dispatch covers national and international news in a page or two…but requires six pages for sports (and three of those just for the Buckeyes).

You consider going to the zoo in winter very normal. And you stopped noticing Jack Hanna’s lisp years ago.

You have a Buckeye necklace.

You think 45 degree weather is justification enough to go through the car wash!

You call it pop. Soda is for weirdos.

You get chills when you hear “Carmen Ohio.”

You know that Wyandot Lake is not a body of water, and Mad River Mountain is not really a mountain.

You say “Kroger’s”, although proper English would be “Kroger.”

You can see a building downtown, but you can’t get there due to a million one-way streets!

You consider this weather pretty much normal:

Monday: 30 degrees
Tuesday: 70 degrees
Wednesday: 45 degrees and humid
Thursday: -10 wind chill
Friday: 80 degrees and sunny

You know that if you don’t like the weather today, you can stick around and it’ll change in an hour.

One out of every five cars has something Buckeye-related on it.

You remember Flippo and Luci’s Toy Shop.

Your big Christmas event as a kid was seeing the window decorations and visiting Santa at Downtown Lazarus.

You were surprised that there is another Hoover Dam in the country.

You know full well that people drive 10 mph with the first dusting of snow and 65 mph with two feet of snow.

You’ve never even stopped to question the fact that many businesses close down on every Ohio State football game day.

You know what the Hospital Curve is.

You think the standard protocol for a tornado warning is to grab lawn chairs and head for the front porch.

You drive down 670 with your windows open to smell the fresh bread from the Wonder Bread factory and the cinnamon rolls from the Kroger bakery.

You think there’s nothing strange about the city of Westerville being northeast of Columbus.

You’re fully confident that the word Columbus should always be followed by Ohio.

What kind of tattoo did the Ohio State football player get around his arm?

The best damn arm band in the land!!!!!!

Who’s gonna win the big game on Saturday?

The Ohio State University Buckeyes.